neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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