I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
