i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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