Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
this hospital has no fireball
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
