So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
