I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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