i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
