come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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