Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were trust falling into bushes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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