Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
