apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
