I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize