Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
