Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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