i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
