I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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