I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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