Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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