I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your penis caused this!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
