'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
