If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
