Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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