you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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