I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
