okay pat passed out under dana's car
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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