I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
