Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize