How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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