I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
