well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
