I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
