So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
