I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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