Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
