Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
