Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
