i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
