I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
