a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
