You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
