You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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