I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
