I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
