I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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