This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
