stop calling my apartment porn island.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
