This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
