i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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