garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i love accidental penises.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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