She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Randomize
