I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
