I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize