glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
