The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And the cops told us we were all naked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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