he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
