no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
