I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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