very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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