so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
