I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
