We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
