It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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