I should be sponsored by Trojan
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
