but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
