I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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