Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
