I'm so fucking centered right now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize