so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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