I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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