he thought i was a dude.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
