Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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